sociallyawkwardjocelyn: fnark-oreo: thankyouforthedildos: Whenever I’m not alone in a public bathroom I will wait until the other person flushes then pee as fast I can so they wont hear it. i wait until its dead silent like when they’re fixing their hair and i take the hardiest piss and as i exit the stall i stare them in the face so they know my dominance over the bathroom Two different...
“You wouldn’t be my family. You’d be m’lady”
90% of the ocean is undiscovered and you’re telling me mermaids dont exist
own-world-: do you guys realize we can change our lives any time we want like you can just go ahead and delete ur blog, stop eating meat, shave our head, start running, tell that person you hate why you hate them so much, confess your love to someone and kiss them unexpectedly like why don’t we do that
tweenking: Invention Idea: An alarm clock that keeps screaming “WHAT TEAM?!” and the only way to turn it off is to scream “WILDCATS!!!” in response
Just heard my dad yell “sexting” downstairs and now I’m uncomfortable.
alex-of-macedonia: zombicorns: mina-marina: My history professor asked who we wanted to have as the next pope and I chimed in Oprah and my prof just stands there laughing for a solid minute before he whispers Poprah #YOU’RE GETTING SAVED #YOU’RE GETTING SAVED! #EVERYBODY HERE IS GETTING SAVED!!! IT GOT BETTER
Jaime Lannister: “hand” of the king
i went to church with my family tonight and the...
pastor: now, according to a few passages in the bible, homosexuality is a sin.
couple of older males in the audience: amen!
pastor: now, wait, i'm not finished.
pastor: you know what else the bible defines as a sin? divorce.
pastor: there are countless passages that talk about how divorce is wrong, and that there are consequences to getting a divorce, such as the wife should be stoned.
pastor: yet, i witnessed a divorce just this morning. and i gotta tell you, it was heartbreaking, but i definitely didn't attempt to throw rocks at the wife, even though she was the one who filed for divorce.
pastor: we choose to overlook the consequences of divorce because time has proven that they're inhumane and cruel.
pastor: the bible doesn't say anything about the consequences of a homosexual lifestyle. yet, we seem to be spearheading a campaign to ruin the lives of people we don't even know.
-the pastor shifts a few notes around-
pastor: the bible states to love thy neighbor. that's it. there are no other rules or restrictions to that passage.
pastor: so, we as a church family have to support equality with a smile on our face. THAT is the true christian way.
instead of getting their period girls should just get to sleep for 5 days straight every month everyone wins OHMYGODYES
sassminsterabbey: the-galway-girl: imperfectwriting: smalldoll: If you are a vegetarian I totally support you and will make you non-meaty foods If you are a vegetarian that doesn’t let me eat meat in front of you I will organize a hotdog eating contest in front of your house I am a vegetarian, and I support this message. I am a vegan, and I support this message. wow nice vegans...
m-ignon: dreamboatsandtrenchcoats: Instead of saying motherfucker you can just say Oedipus Half of our generation wouldn’t even understand that
fuckyeahlaughters: school finals papers work driving responsibility life oh look, so much gpoy
superwholocks-bitch: so my nan was spouting some crap about how gay people aren’t really people because of what it says in the bible so I said “you think the only people who are people, are the people who look and think like you but if you walked the footsteps of a stranger, you’ll learn things you never knew” and she shut the fuck up she had no idea I was quoting a song from Pocahontas